Festival of the Arts is Saturday, 5/25, 10 a.m.-4 p.m., in the City Park in downtown Paso Robles, CA. I will be across the street in Studios on the Park representing painter Jim Tyler. Add beautiful art to your home and office by owning a Jim Tyler painting that will brighten and warm any room with a touch of inspiration.

Judging by the high rate of obesity in children, obstetricians must be asking women in the delivery room, “Would you like to supersize it?”

There is a wine festival in Paso Robles this weekend, including an event in the City Park Saturday 12-4 p.m. Meanwhile, I will be across the street in Studios on the Park representing artist Jim Tyler. Check out his newest painting Red Lily. Visit www.jimtylerfineart.com to view the full portfolio. Yes, we ship.

I saw an efficient drug store shopper who was buying prescription medication and cigarettes at the same time.

(Teen) Girls softball looks a lot different from when I played. We didn’t have any bellies hanging over our belts.

I had to eat peanut butter with a spoon, today, because I was out of chocolate.

New excuse (mine) for not exercising: I ran out of gas on the way to the gym, because I drove by it so many times while making excuses not to go.

Every time I’m at the gym there is a judgmental person there. OK, it’s me.

It amazes me that the older & stronger I become the more people try to bully me. I guess that some people (bullies) never outgrow weakness & insecurity.

People who eat only organic foods should realize that hatred is more toxic than pesticides.

As long as you’re healthy, you can go to a nutritionist; as soon as you get sick, see a registered dietitian.

People become upset when they incur an injury, like a sprained ankle, but don’t stop to consider the injuries they can’t feel (e.g., hardened arteries, scarred liver, dead brain cells).

No wonder so many of our young people have eating disorders.

This weekend I am working with my client Jim Tyler at the Indian Wells (California desert town) Art Festival, where we are exhibiting his pastel paintings. This is a juried event, which means he applied and was accepted to be an exhibiting artist. Stop by and see us at booth H12 if you’re in the area.

Thanks to my new advertiser Faces of Astarte.

People who believe in God, and who have piercings and tattoos, must think God has piercings and tattoos. After all, we were created in his image, right?

Considering our rush-rush society, I’m surprised that people don’t have their meals eaten by the time they’re out of a drive-through restaurant.

Children should turn their backs on their role models when the role models make bad choices like using drugs. Oh, but Leif Garrett was so cute.

The only P.E. program that should be cut is the “athletic” department of which sedentary people are a property.

If carrying extra body fat were an Olympic sport, America would win more gold medals.

How interesting that a bookstore that sells only murder mysteries carried The Every Excuse in the Book Book

I saw a driver at a 4-way stop (sign) waiting for the light to turn green.

An 8-year-old girl told me that she liked my purse. I asked her what she liked about it. She replied, “It reminds me of my grandmother. She likes really old things.” I’m only 44!!

Thanks to new advertiser Eden Foods.

A man offered me spaghetti that he made. He said that the noodles weren’t gluten free, but they were organic. Great! So, I could die prematurely—without pesticides.

I work hard, because I have a very expensive habit to fund: traveling. It would be cheaper to smoke crack.

Rather than show proof of insurance before having a medical procedure for a lifestyle-caused condition, patients should show proof that they will finally take care of themselves.

If decreasing life expectancy via poor lifestyle habits doesn’t bother you, then think of the behaviors as accelerating your death.

A man saw me buying only a small serving of cheese at a grocery store. “Dinner. I’m on a diet,” I joked. “It seems to be working,” he said.

Here I am–minus the celiac belly–back where it all started 21 years ago today. BeanFit started in Honolulu, HI. Three years later I was diagnosed with celiac disease.

I will be at downtown Paso Robles’ Singles Mingle event, an occasion for you to meet others and wine taste at several different tasting rooms. Excerpts from “Successful Dating at Last!” will be provided as ice breaker questions. I will spend most of the evening signing copies of my book at Paso Wine Centre. Friday, February 8th, 5 p.m.-?, 1240 Park St. Call me for more information: 408-203-7643.

Jim Tyler, of San Luis Obispo, CA, explores the powerful side of pastel painting. Tyler uses this richness to emphasize the lighting and intense colors of places around the world. His paintings of people offer an intimate glimpse of everyday life. Contact Tyler for an original, giclee print, or commission of your favorite photograph: Jim Tyler Fine Art. “In only a matter of months, Jeanne has advanced my business to a level that would have taken me years to accomplish.”

Next time someone you’ve never met tells you his/her weight, ask, “Is that in pounds or kilograms?”

There are occasions when a teacher not only has to consider a question dumb, but also asks the dumb question. After a Vietnam vet recounted his ship’s journey up the Da Nang River during the Vietnam war, I asked, “Where exactly in Korea is that river?”

Useful health tip #66: don’t take an IQ test drunk.

Open Mic Night at the Barrel Room, though very successful, is cancelled indefinitely.  I’ll let you know when I have a new venue for telling my stories.

Just because a food brand has the word “healthy” doesn’t mean it is.

You know that I love comedy, but I’m not sure if I’m a good fit for the industry since I’m clean and sober, happy, and not suicidal.

Yesterday I moved up the ladder of skilled salesmen by selling a book to someone who can’t read English.  The customer’s husband will read Excuses to her.  See.  Everyone can benefit.

I will MC The Barrel Room’s Open Mic Night Thurs., 1/3, at 7 p.m. Free admission. 21 & up show. I will also be the headliner/comedian. 5985 Traffic Way, Atascadero, CA. 805-462-9000.

It’s interesting to hear out-of-shape men my age try to impress me with their high school and college sports achievements.  Maintain cardiovascular fitness, and then I’ll be impressed.

Why is it that if a child finishes his dinner, the child gets the green light to eat anything afterward?

Maybe people who drink alcohol in excess have a distorted view on life, because they are looking through glass.

I’m amazed at how many parents teach their kids, by example, unhealthy lifestyle habits and then are surprised and disappointed when their children follow the same path.

After diagnosis, people with celiac disease tend to feed themselves with chicken and rice, as one would do for a sick dog.

I will MC The Barrel Room’s Open Mic Night Thurs., 12/6, at 7 p.m. Free admission. 21 & up show. I will also be the headliner/comedian. 5985 Traffic Way, Atascadero, CA. 805-462-9000.

Thanks to new advertiser Great American Antiques, located in Paso Robles, CA.

If you’re going to diagnose yourself with a trendy condition, like gluten sensitivity, then don’t complain about the diet.

 Check out the ingredients of this vegetable, a.k.a. fry, a.k.a. soybean oil. Gross! Maybe you really don’t know what you’re eating at a restaurant. “It’s just vegetable oil.”

Your age doesn’t cause injuries, but injuries can affect your age.

Sucking on a slice of lime after drinking alcohol does not count as a serving of fruit.

I always put 110% effort into my business, as long as it takes less than 5% of my time.

Today, a bread truck almost ran me over. I guess that wheat is determined to kill me one way or another.

Here I am mid-story at The Barrel Room’s Open Mic Night, 11/1/12. Maybe The BeanMan and I are one and the same. The other photo shows manager Mike Campbell behind the bar. Photos courtesy of guitarist Don Lampson. 

 I can smoke if a priest says it’s OK, right? Being the efficiency expert I am, I confessed my sins as I committed them. Actually, I have black lung from that stunt. In costume is Joel L. James, guitarist from local band Soundhouse and guitar tech. for Collective Soul.

Back by popular demand, I will MC The Barrel Room’s Open Mic Night Thursday, Nov. 1st, 7 p.m. and be the headliner/comedian. 5985 Traffic Way, Atascadero, CA, 805-462-9000. Free admission.

Open Mic Night was a huge success!  Atascadero’s got talent.  Wonderful musicians and writers interspersed with my jokes. Join us Nov. 1st.  It’s worth the special trip.

I will MC The Barrel Room’s first Open Mic Night Thursday, Oct. 4th, 7 p.m. I will also perform a stand-up comedy routine using some of the jokes that I’ve  been writing for 9 years. 5985 Traffic Way, Atascadero, CA, 805-462-9000.

A letter I wrote to the editor of Club Business International was published in the September 2012 issue.

Today is National Celiac Disease Awareness Day. I dedicate this announcement to Lewis & Clark College in Portland, Oregon, which offers gluten-free options in their cafeteria, including gluten-free bread with a dedicated toaster.

Central Coast Active Magazine printed an article I wrote called What do you eat, Jeanne? Read the July 2012 issue here. 805 Living Magazine printed an article based on an interview with me. Read p. 46 in the July/August issue here.

Get your point across in a nice way with this unique t-shirt: “Mind Your Own Business”. www.zazzle.com/beanfit

I am Entrepreneur Magazine’s ‘trep of the month–March 2012. Check out page 14.

Today I am celebrating BeanFit’s 20th anniversary. Thank you for a fun 20 years.

Untitled from jeanne murdock on Vimeo.